"Every time I look into her eyes I see a glimpse of heaven shining through."

"Every time I look into her eyes I see a glimpse of heaven shining through."

"I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks I was extremely sick all the time, day and night, and at 8 weeks I found out I was expecting twins. We were ecstatic! We were told about all the things that could happen because now we were a high risk pregnancy. I thought to myself, Many people have multiples and they are healthy and just fine, but Our happiness was short lived though. I always noticed a significant size difference in my babies but they reassured me it was normal in twins. One was always smaller then the other. But at 14 weeks the doctor finally confirmed it. It wasn’t just my hormones making paranoid. I wasn't told much just sent to a specialist 3 hours away where I had a three-hour long ultrasound. It was silent the whole time.  I was told to return in two weeks. After another three hour long ultrasound me and my husband were sent to sit in a tiny little room and waited for over an hour. We were told we had twin to twin transfusion syndrome. My heart sank into my stomach. I had just learned about this disease and never thought it could happen to us. It was such a small percentage. 10-15% we couldn't have such bad luck. I was sent to Seattle WA. 4 hours away from my home to see a TTTS specialist. That same day I went in to have laser surgery as I was already stage 3 and progressing fast. My babies had such little hope. They sit you down and talk about all these things that can happen and my mind was just blank. How did I go from buying two of everything to signing away all three of our lives. How did this happen overnight? Why me? Why do others get to enjoy their multiples pregnancies without any issues? So many thoughts ran through my mind but I went with the flow. 2 hours later My surgery was a success! I was so happy. My babies now had a 50% chance to live if I was completely on bed rest and did everything I could to take care of myself. 6 days after my surgery at 17 weeks pregnant something wasn't right I wasn't feeling good. The next day I made my weekly 4 hour drive to see my doctor. When They started my ultrasound I heard the words I never thought I would hear. "I'm sorry but twin A has no heartbeat". My baby went into heart failure. Her heart was just working to much to fast. Just like that my hopes and dreams and plans slipped away from me. I lost it. How could I have made it 6 days perfectly fine and then everything go wrong? What did I do? Did I overdo it? It was my fault! I cried in my husbands arms for what felt an eternity. My doctor came in and spoke very bluntly to me. He said You did everything in your power to try and save both. We lost one but there is now a 70% chance your survivor is going to make it. Let's fight for her just like she's fighting. I was so done with percentages. I wanted to just stay in bed. I cried for days and didn't eat. My husband begged me to continue for our survivor. I joined a TTTS Support group and I found the strength I needed to continue. My next appointment when I saw my babies heartbeat I knew I had to keep going and fighting just like she was. I made myself. I had to. She was my little miracle. As time went by people would tell me to “be grateful that I still had one” that I was “lucky” or that what I was going through was impossible and not true. If you’ve ever lost a child you know there is nothing “lucky” about that. And there is no child that can EVER replace your child you lost. I am three years out from losing my sweet baby girl and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. As I see her identical twin sister grow and reach new milestones I think about what could have been. Every time I look into her eyes I see a glimpse of heaven shining through. My biggest hope with sharing my story is to bring awareness to this cruel disease that take our babies from us. TTTS took so much away from me. 

What is TTTS?

-Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) is a disease of the placenta that affects identical twin pregnancies. TTTS affects identical twins (or higher multiple gestations) who share a common monochorionic placenta.The shared placenta contains abnormal blood vessels which connect the umbilical cord and circulations of the twins.

The common placenta may also be shared unequally by the twins. 

The events in pregnancy that lead to TTTS are all random. TTTS is not hereditary or genetic, nor caused by anything the parents did or did not do.

TTTS can happen to anyone. " -Lizz

"Nearly 5 years later the pain is still there…I’m sure it always will be."

"Nearly 5 years later the pain is still there…I’m sure it always will be."

"I had purpose, hope and strength I'd never known."

"I had purpose, hope and strength I'd never known."

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