“I know that reunion will be the best day ever. It will make my heart whole again.”

“I know that reunion will be the best day ever. It will make my heart whole again.”

“27 years after your short life, I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was just a 24-year-old kid, newly married and excited to welcome a new baby into our family. I named you Brittany Dianne. You came early, 23 weeks along, without much warning and fought as hard as one could fight to stay here on this Earth with us. I had those 23 weeks with you and a short 4 hours of life. Those moments spent with you, my sweet Brittany, were the ones that made me into the person and mother that I am today. I keep a box with your things to remind me that you made me a mother. Your tiny little hat, handprint and footprints and even your hair are kept safely in your baby book. Two pictures are all that I have of you and that hurts. You are hooked up to machines in those pictures. I can’t help but think that you were in so much pain. I wish that I had pictures of when your dad and I held you in our arms. You were a perfect size baby doll, 12 inches long, with perfectly formed features. For years, I have searched for the reasons why you are not here with us. Now I know that God had a better and bigger plan for you which someday will make perfect sense to me. I am not the same person as I used to be and that is a good thing. I know that life is precious and should never be taken for granted. With every sad story of pregnancy loss that I heard after you were born, I know that many other things could go wrong. I have felt guilty and depressed that I could not help you. Incompetent cervix is the reason you came early which to me meant incompetent mother. I still to this day do not understand some of the reasons people gave me for your death, and I don’t think I ever will. Hurtful comments such as you are young, you can have more babies, just think of all the money it would cost to keep her alive, etc….. None of those helped work through my grief. Journaling, praying and trying again helped. Two more baby girls followed you, and they are terrific. However, you are still my first born daughter, Brittany, and someday we will be reunited. I know that reunion will be the best day ever. It will make my heart whole again. I hope you know that you were very much wanted and loved. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and wonder what might have been. Because of you, I have compassion for others who suffer this type of loss. Because of you, I have been made strong enough to lose many of my loved ones. You had a huge purp0se in your short lifetime. My perfect, beautiful, girl, Brittany Dianne McIntyre. Too perfect for this world and free from suffering. I love you with all of my heart which is still strong though missing the piece that is you. Until we meet again…. I love you, sweet baby. Your mama, Kimberly Kaye McIntyre”

“Emptiness is so much sadness and so much pain. Emptiness is feeling like you failed as a mom because you couldn’t protect your first child."

“Emptiness is so much sadness and so much pain. Emptiness is feeling like you failed as a mom because you couldn’t protect your first child."

“I was confused and the look on her face made me panic."

“I was confused and the look on her face made me panic."

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