“I put 110% in what I do, I love, live, and breathe my job. The hardest part is going home and knowing they’re not your own.”
“1 in 3 women… this is the statistic that my doctor gave me for women who have miscarried. Little did I know, I would be 1 in 7,000 with a molar pregnancy. Before this news, I went in for an ultrasound to see the heartbeat of the baby. Come to find, I had twins and possibly a third with an empty sac. Both with no heart beat, the doctor left me with no hope or answers. I was devastated. I didn’t understand and it all felt so unreal. I felt like someone ripped out my soul, punched me in the gut, and crushed my heart before my eyes. I wept for almost 5 hrs after the knowledge, just completely speechless. I needed an answer and I needed the truth. I turned to a friend and got a second opinion which took me in a day after. The doctor then performed a 3-D ultrasound and what my husband and I saw could not be unseen. There lay my twins completely obliterated and a blood red clot growing rapidly in size. I didn’t know that my low energy was from my pregnancy slowly killing me. Yes, my babies were thriving on my blood until the molar state attacked both fetuses and then prepared to take over my body. I blamed myself and felt unworthy of a mother’s heart.
After undergoing surgery, a year of lab tests, and a visit to the cancer center, I had a clean bill of health. However, the emotional pain and hurt was still unable to be healed. I was left empty and I still am. I know God has a purpose and that included me living today to tell and share my story. The hurt is real, our stories are real. As a teacher, I have the privilege to influence children in life lessons and choices they make daily, to hopefully one day become successful well-mannered adults. Year after year, it’s hard to see them go and it’s especially bittersweet this year since I’m teaching the age group of my twins (4 years). I put 110% in what I do, I love, live, and breathe my job. The hardest part is going home and knowing they’re not your own. My husband has been a wonderful example of strength to me, and I can’t wait for the day we can become parents again.”