"Sometimes life is harder than you think it will be. You taught me that."

"Sometimes life is harder than you think it will be. You taught me that."

KNOX WAYLON ZOHN.
You are perfect.
The story of your life isn't.
When pressed up against our own ideals, reality sometimes falls far short of our expectations and if we let what is in this world predicate our dreams, our lives will never be as beautiful as they could be.
You taught me that.
When I learned about you and your twin Decker, my imagination raced! I was so excited to think of coming home from my workday to see matching bookends in the front yard playing ball, or wrestling, hide and seek. I would imagine over and over how you two would hear my truck and come running for hugs, eyes lit up and yelling Dad!
Then a little later Ilearned that your little heart was going to need to be fixed but that it was a simple procedure and it would be ok. As a guy that fixes things for a living, it was hard not to want to do something about this, so I fixed you guys cribs and an IKEA light shade with clouds on it for your room.  It took a while being in there, thinking about you and your heart, and you guys playing ball, and it was harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes life is harder than you think it will be.
You taught me that.
You fought so hard and were so brave, And I'm glad I got to read you Winnie the Pooh, share my favorite song "Little Wing" by Stevie Ray Vaughan early in the morning before the hospital got filled with people, just you and I. Sometimes I have trouble focusing on just one thing and making it last and be pure and simple, but that time with you, I remember it so clearly that I can bring myself back to that room, how it smelled and everything in it. Sometimes minor details make all the difference.
You taught me that.
I try really hard to be a good father, I get plenty of practice with your brothers Decker and Avery, and your twin sisters Eleanor and Mable. We practice holding on to our dreams as much as we can and we try not to let the world and its disappointments get in the way. Whenever things get to be trying for me and for a second I want to break, I remember looking into your eyes, how strong you seemed, how perfect and it makes me more proud than ever that you are my son, and I am your Dad.

"And some days the jealousy and bitterness over how unfair our situation is turning me into a person I don't even recognize."

"And some days the jealousy and bitterness over how unfair our situation is turning me into a person I don't even recognize."

"Never has my heart truly felt the pain that the word empty can hold until now, my arms are empty as is my heart."

"Never has my heart truly felt the pain that the word empty can hold until now, my arms are empty as is my heart."

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