"Nearly 5 years later the pain is still there…I’m sure it always will be."
"When I found out I was expecting my 3rd baby I was so surprised. We weren't planning on another child and my older kids were 8 and 12 years old! We were all so excited…we told the kids in October and I was due to have a C-section on April 6, 2013. My pregnancy went great…I felt amazing and I have always loved being pregnant. The only difference this time was that I was fearful. I shrugged it off as normal nervousness, and of course everyone convinced me that everything was going to be fine, but it wasn’t.
I felt like I was going to jinx something if I was excited, or buying baby things. I never wrote in his baby book like I did with my older kids. At Christmas time I was heading out for a craft night and I remember telling my brother that I just felt like the baby was going to die. I had never had thoughts like this before and it was terrifying.
As the pregnancy continued everything was great. My appointments were perfect, my baby was kicking, and I felt great. Nothing ever felt weird until the morning of February 21, 2013. The night before we watched a family show together and I remember that the baby was kicking like crazy. I called him a little ninja. I was wearing my favorite maternity shirt, and I hadn’t been great about taking regular pictures, so my husband said let’s take one now. It was an amazing picture and the last picture I would ever get. When I woke up I had a lot of cramps…I figured that it could be Braxton Hicks contractions but called the doctor anyway. I was told to come into the hospital to get checked out. I finished making my kids’ lunches and got them off to school and headed to the hospital. My husband was picked up for work by a co-worker but I told him I was fine to go to the check-up on my own.
The rest is such a blur…I sat on the bed as they did an ultrasound and after what seemed like an eternity I realized that I didn’t hear anything. There was no heartbeat. I heard the nurses call the doctor and they told him to hurry. I felt like the floor had fallen out from under me. The doctor confirmed that the baby had died. I was numb and in shock. All I could think about was my kids…how was I going to show up without a baby. My husband was called and came to the hospital…we scheduled my C-section for later in the afternoon and our kids came too. We spent the night with our sweet perfect baby. Our kids named him Vincent James. It was the most heartbreaking day of our lives.
Nearly 5 years later the pain is still there…I’m sure it always will be. Our family has gone through many challenges since Vincent’s death including depression, anxiety, anger and my daughter’s eating disorder. A tragedy like this impacts everyone so differently…grief isn’t consistent. It’s been so hard…I believe we have all become stronger from this. Life is precious. We have learned to really live everyday." - Charlette G.